Trauma can impact your relationships…but it doesn’t have to

Trauma can impact your relationships

Many conversations in my Thriving Empath Facebook Group for Women bring up the question of pushing people away. “If I keep heading in this direction, I’m going to cut everyone out of my life who shows basic human traits and end up alone,” wrote one woman. Another asked, “Any tips for the individual who feels little to no bond with anyone, while at the same time is highly sensitive and empathetic and feels overwhelming guilt for not connecting with others? Every day I hide the fact that even in healthy relationships I feel little to no bond.”

Many healers, therapists, and those who identify as empaths carry high levels of trauma. Like other human beings, they shut down their emotions so they don’t have to reconnect with their own pain. Their protective impulse to shut down can feel like a lack of—or sometimes the opposite of—empathy.

When I was a young and inexperienced social worker, I could not show compassion and empathy. My unaddressed trauma was triggered, and I had to come up with ways to protect myself. No wonder I left the social work field and only returned to help people heal (in a much bigger way) after going through a personal process of healing and transformation.

Trying to hurt people (unconsciously) before they hurt you

Some women try to protect their abusers and justify their behaviors. They care more about other people than about themselves (a typical victimhood behavior). But I’ve also seen many women who do the opposite: they become nasty and mean towards people.

If your heart is broken and your trauma is not addressed professionally, you might be afraid to open up to people if you were abused by someone you loved. Without knowing, you might try to hurt them before they hurt you.

If you have experienced trauma in the past and feel that your current relationships suffer, I hope that some of the ideas I have expressed here will make you feel more understood, loved, and accepted.

None of this is your fault.
The traumatic experience is not your fault.
Living with the trauma, sometimes for many years, is not your fault.
You are simply using protective behaviors that help you survive.

If it is time for you to admit that these protective behaviors are no longer serving you, you might be ready to do some deep trauma healing work.

Is there a way to develop and maintain healthy relationships despite your trauma? Is it realistic to expect that you can heal the trauma and attract healthy, loving relationships to your life?

Yes, and yes. You deserve it, and you can heal the past and live a meaningful, satisfying life. You might need the help of a professional, but healing is possible.

Once you understand the connection between your unfulfilled relationships and your past trauma, you can start moving towards healing those relationships.

For now, please allow yourself to feel loved, accepted, and virtually hugged. Release self-judgment, criticism, and blame. Have compassion for yourself. And when you get to the point that you are ready to move from awareness to healing, consider allowing me to be your guide.

I present my unique approach to addressing trauma and why it has helped so many women genuinely heal in my blog: Growing Through Trauma.

If you ready to heal you trauma so you can create loving relationships send me a message and tell me a bit about yourself and your circumstances.

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